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14 Relationship Tips You’ve Never Heard Before
- Getting unstuck
- Relationship finality
- How to have a fabulous relationship
- Intimacy, intimidation and threat
- Arguments and right and wrong
- What to do to improve your relationship
- Secrets and betrayals
- How to think about couples counselling
6 Common FasterEFT Mistakes And How To Avoid Them
We spend 99% of our time in trances so we can successfully operate in the world. The more strongly we believe a painful trance, the more it hurts. A trance is a “crossing over”. Are you:
- crossing over everywhere, except where you need to go?
- constantly crossed over to bad trances?
- not crossing back soon enough?
- not crossing over at all?
- crossing back, but not crossing over?
- crossing over and back once, and you think you’re finished?
Part of the price of change is giving up some certainty about some of what you believe to be true.
What happens when we’re stuck - Tyrone’s restaurant problem
- Our problem is blindingly obvious to everyone around us, except us
- We genuinely want to make things better but it’s not safe to change anything
- We naturally do “harder, better, faster, stronger” which just gives us more practice at doing our problem
- Sometimes when we’re pushing really hard “here”, we need to push “over here” to move something “here”
- The thing that we need to do is sometimes the thing that we don’t want to do yet
Top 20 answers to “How long is this going to take?”
Refurnishing Room 101
- Room 101 is where your worst nightmare is waiting for you.
- Some of us have a Room 101 inside us.
- One day, you might want to start cleaning out that room.
- You might like to practise on some other rooms first.
- Sometimes Room 101 is empty because the scary stuff has moved next-door to Room 102.
- Open all the doors and clean out all the rooms and make all of them beautiful.
- March 2010 - I discover Robert Smith on YouTube (HealingMagic).
- I watch a lot of videos and decide everyone is faking it.
- I faked it for 25 years.
- I was psychotically suicidal for a couple of years (delusional, paranoid, hallucinating).
- No history of trauma; great family; highly educated.
- I built a crystal palace of pain in my head.
- Practising FasterEFT on myself for hundreds of hours has completely changed my life.
- Human relationships are really complicated.
- At school or college we typically never learn how to do relationships.
- We get in relationships with people who have the same level of emotional skill as ourselves.
- When we have relationship problems, both people never change at the same pace. This is usually disturbing because transitions are bumpy.
- People stay in painful situations for a long time because they’re stable. It’s only when something happens in the world or inside one of the people that things start to change.
- “Working it out” always means changing your behaviour first and learning about relationships.
- People kill themselves when their internal emotional pain exceeds their ability to cope.
- As someone’s pain gets close to their ability to cope, all of their energy is spent coping with their pain. They have no spare inner resources or energy to operate in the world (eg. be employed, be in a relationship).
- Help is only as far away as your ability to ask for it.
- Lots of people are suicidal at any one time.
- Every suicide is a homicide.
- If a friend or family member has killed themselves, talk to someone.
Panic attacks. What are they? How do you deal with them?
- A panic attack is something you instruct your body to do with the intention of keeping you safe.
- It feels awful.
- You can easily put someone into panic mode if you have total control over their environment and the information they receive (eg. prison).
- We pay good money to scare ourselves on the roller coaster or at a scary movie.
- A panic attack is a kind of flashback to an earlier experience when you did something in your body that was like a panic attack.
- There’s always a trigger in the here and now. Be a detective to find it.
- It’s a conditioned emotional response and there are ways to extinguish it (trigger yourself, replay it and objectify it).
Sharon’s chocolate eclair. How to change a memory.
- I change a memory live on camera, right in front of your very eyes.
- I was nice to Sharon because I wanted her chocolate eclair. I feel guilty.
- Replay the memory and make the feeling in the body as strong as you can.
- It’s a conditioned emotional response. You’ll go into the flashback and your body will replay whatever physiology you have connected to this memory and when you break that link you’ll find that you can’t do it any more.
- This is a fantasy, a daydream, a trance that I’m generating now - it’s not real.
- A train robber robs trains, a bank robber robs banks, to change memories you have to be a trance robber. You have to steal your own trances.
- Tapping gives the body a new safe experience in the present. You must attend to it because something’s banging on your head!
- It looks weird and it feels weird but it works!
“I killed my best friend”
- Terrible things happen.
- We bear witness and then they stop happening in the world and time passes but they continue happening inside us.
- Have you seen something? Or done something? Or been forced to see something? Or had something done to you? Did you not do something and you wish you had?
- It’s how you do you inside that kind of determines if you’re happy and if you have a great life and if things are calm and peaceful.
Memory. What are memories? Can you change them?
- Carolyn was mean to me.
- Real events happen outside me and somehow they transfer inside me and become my memories.
- The grey jelly between my ears holds my memories of the Laundry and Training and Carolyn and Puppy! and The Scary Guy.
- We create emotional memories as references, as survival tools.
- If, one day, it becomes no longer okay that you are remembering events of high drama and you have no control over when you remember them and how you react, then it may help you to increase your skill at emotional self-control. Part of this means rewriting emotional memory. You can rewrite your entire emotional past, if you wish.